You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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