My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
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you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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