I cannot find my penis.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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