Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Fuck appropriateness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize