Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
