An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
