feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
