I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
