That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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