I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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