i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
