It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
