Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
