I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you win again, gameday.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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