And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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