my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
