This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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