Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
