...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
