Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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