you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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