Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
