pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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