Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
