Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
