Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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