your parents love me but you hate me
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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