***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
