brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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