im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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