plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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