Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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