I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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