why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
