summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
