I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
