"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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