You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
