I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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