Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
