When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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