Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
