I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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