When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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