Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
