Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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