i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
