i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
