I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
