The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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