Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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