I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
