he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
