i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
