I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The power of my boobs compel you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
