Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
