Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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