I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have post one night stand depression
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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